My first contact with menopause was my mother’s. Of course, in the Ireland of the early 1970s, this was still euphemistically know as ‘the change’ (or to be more exact, ‘the change of life’).
This little phrase was spoken in hushed tones, especially around men and minors, just in case any one would get embarrassed.
As a young pre-teen, I associated this phrase with what must be a horrific disease that befell women of a certain age, on a par at the time with another dread disease, then known as – to my young, faulty perception and misinterpretation – ‘Cancergodblessus’
Years later I uncoupled this melange of words as ‘Cancer, God Bless Us’ which was uttered with a hastily-performed ‘sign of the cross’ to ward off bad luck or the hand-of-god’s part in bestowing you with this plague. Oh, the power of punctuation!
Anyway, back to the menopause…
My mum
My mum was unfortunate enough to commence menopause at the tender age of 45 (medically we can experience menopause any time between the ages of 45 and 55….that’s a ten year window, and it can be either side of this too).
In my eyes at the time – as a ten or eleven year old – my beautiful mum, with her lovely, dark-haired up-do, paisley shirt and capri pants ala the just-run-out 60s style, changed, in front of us, into an old woman (or started to, as it was obviously more gradual than I remember).
It also coincided with her losing her mum to a premature heart attack in her early-sixties, so this probably didn’t help her rapid decent into the next generation.
When women got married in the 1950’s, they only started to wear make up, and dressed ‘like married women’.
When menopause hit, they somehow donned the outfit of the older woman,(like that Billy Connolly sketch – ‘there must be a shop in every town that sells granny-coats’). Before they became grandparents, they started looking like them.
Women in our fifties now? We never stopped wearing jeans, coloured our hair from our late twenties, and have been wearing make- up since our teens. We are not following in the footsteps of our mums.
My menopause
My own experience: I was pre-menopausal when I had to undergo a total hysterectomy in my forties and was subsequently medically prescribed HRT to avoid the unnatural and dangerous drop in hormone levels. Before my meds were adjusted correctly, I had about a week of the dreaded symptoms and let me say my heart goes out to women who suffer from acute menopause symptoms, as they are not nice….
As I was different to most women, who come to the end of their fertile years naturally, I didn’t have to make any decisions around what I would do when this ‘curse’ struck and did its worst.
I had thought, at normal menopause onset, I would do all I could to alleviate any symptoms I may encounter as I had witnessed not only the outward physical deterioration of my mum’s experience, but also the horrendous migraines she endured at the height of her ‘change’.
I was armed with as much knowledge as I could on what to expect but was vaguely conscious that there wasn’t much material around to go on.
Medical stuff, yes, but this was very clinical. Anecdotal? Not a lot. And here we are, in 2016 Ireland, and there is still a bit of the whispering going on.
News-blackout
I think the news-blackout is for different, and unfortunately more insidious, reasons now.
We don’t talk about being over-fifty or menopausal as there are still too many negative connotations to these natural states. The main one being the loss of youth as we are surrounded with youth-obsessed multi-media. No wonder we start to feel invisible when we turn 50.
Of course it is the profound loss of something; our fertility.
If you were lucky enough to have had, or if you decided to have, babies, now they are growing up and you are looking forward to the next time you hold one of your own, as it will be your grandchild.
This is the wonderful circle of life and one to be embraced, not whispered about.
Celebrate!
We should be celebrating menopause as we do puberty. Our bodies are now just ‘hanging up their boots’, putting aside the ‘labour’ of motherhood, if you are one, and relaxing into middle and older age.
We are just starting a new phase of our life, and closing down the last one.
It does not mean we have just bought a one way ticket to the afterlife!! (if indeed one exists)
But by whispering about it all and cloaking it in mystery, dread, fear and shame, we are not progressing very far now, are we?
As with marriage, we should celebrate divorce, as it is the end of one part of your life but the beginning of the next one.
We celebrate birth, and we celebrate death (acknowledging respectfully the life of the person who has passed, keeping them alive in our memories) by giving a good send-off.
We celebrate all the transitions in our kids, and our own, lives, as we grow and develop, but when we get to menopause we metaphorically apply the brakes to our lives and say, ‘well that’s that, down-tools now, and slink off into the shadows’
Start talking
Ask any post-menopausal woman is she happy and I am sure they will answer with quite a lot of positives to look forward to.
We have to start somewhere and that is by talking about it all.
Taking the mystery out of it, sharing information, keeping as well as we can be, talking to the medical professionals to get a plan of care specific to you – as everyone is unique in how they experience menopause – then continue on with your ‘one and only life’ and live it to your fullest.
We are living longer now, so if we take a preventative approach to our health and well-being, we can look forward to many years ahead when we can experience the freedom of our young years, but this time with the wisdom of age.
Go for it ladies!!
By Carol Redmond
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