So my Dad has early stage dementia ….. sucks, right? We life over 50’ers are at that stage now, those of us who are either lucky enough or unlucky enough, depends on which way we want to look at it!
I’m of the selfish sort and feel unlucky. This was the man who I looked to for everything. “Who will I vote for Dad?” ,”What mortgage should I go for Dad?”, “How should I handle this situation Dad?”
Well, now there is little to look to him for. Now it’s, “So what did you have for dinner, breakfast, tea, Dad?”, “Did you open your bowels today Dad?” Conversations that, in the normal life we knew, would leave him cold with the embarrassment.
Four years ago, my Dad started to do strange things; Leaving the front door open, taking a trip to the shops and not coming back for hours. Reluctantly I took him to the doc. The silly questions followed; What’s your date of birth, spell ‘World’, spell it backwards etc.On a good day, I must point out I would struggle with this too!
Anyway the mandatory tests followed in hospital and they concluded he is in early stage dementia. Life continued and we (My brother and I, God I needed a sister badly. He’s good but he’s a boy, fortunately he has a caring wife, so yes I’m lucky in this case) coped reasonably well, given the fact that He (Dad) was my Mum’s carer as she is practically bed ridden with cancer, arthritis and well ….. that’s a whole other story!
‘Not Sick Enough’
Anyway this year, he had another few brain bleeds which disturbed our friend Dementia and opened up a whole new world for us. He was admitted to hospital for more tests and the conclusion was that he was nursing home material. We did not arrive at this decision lightly, but who would care for him ? Could I ? No, I’m separated and need to work to support my family, same for my brother, Could Mum ? No, she depended on him so the home it was!
He’s been residing in the home for the past 3 months now. Do I feel guilty ? Yes! Why? Because he’s not sick enough. What I mean by that is he is not sick enough to be in a nursing home but too sick to be at home.
On a slightly humorous note, I ponder on my own destiny, three kids who may have (please god) children of their own. By all means, put me in a home, but please don’t come armed with grapes and 7up and snotty nosed bored kids who would rather be just about anywhere else than visiting dribbling Nanna and insisting “Give Nanna a big kiss” on leaving !! Bring the Wine, kids! Bring 20 Johnny Blue, wait did I say 20 ? Hell no, bring 200! Don’t dress me up like an idiot, put lipstick on me or paint my nails leaving me like a spooky witch! Treat me like you always knew me.
By Jackie Brennan
You are so adept at expressing deep emotions my dear. We are all feeling the pain you are all experiencing because we feel the same way. We are so grateful this lovely man has a caring family who will always support him.
Much love
Mark and Annette